2008 Woodie Awards
Online dating: It's all an illusion
Jade Alexis Webber
Issue date: 11/6/06 Section: Opinions
"Where are you going tonight?"
"I'm finally meeting SexyT23. (Small giggle) I mean Troy."
Tonight is the big night. She is finally meeting the guy she has been talking to online for over a month in person. This scenario is becoming common among adults. Sites like eHarmony.com, Match.com, and MySpace.com are just a few guilty of aiding and abetting the growing trend of online dating. While these sites encourage romance, courtship and even love, they produce an unhealthy by-product: an obsession with illusion.
It's simple: click on the traits you wish your potential mate to possess and within a matter of moments you have a number of candidates' profiles to choose from. You click on the first candidate and after studying his profile you feel that you have hit the jackpot! He seems perfect. After all, he has great pictures and you find that you share most things in common. After a couple of romantic, sweet, thoughtful messages later, you move into the phone call stage and he proves himself to be just as perfect on the phone as he is online. A month later you make plans to meet each other in person.
Wait! Stop! More than likely you have set yourself up for a less than pleasing experience. While it has been great talking to SexyT23 for some weeks, you fail to realize that both of you have advertised yourself as the other's ideal mate (the key word: ideal). After having several "you always manage to say the right thing" conversations, you have convinced yourself that this is the perfect mate.
You plan to meet at a local restaurant. You walk in and see him-or at least you think it might be because he does look a little like his picture-sitting in the booth closest to the door. He stands up and you see he exaggerated by three inches when he said he was 5'11." Oh, and his voice isn't as deep as it sounds on the phone. From there on, the conversation is mostly a reiteration of what you talked about via phone and internet, but this time every detail needs an explanation-both of you made yourselves seem more interesting online than you are in reality, and since you can't maintain your ideal self, it's best to ease each other into the true you as soon as possible.
Throughout the course of the date you find little imperfections in SexyT23. You're not looking for these imperfections; they just seem to pop out at you. What's that bump on his nose? Was that in the picture? Where are the stimulating conversations?
Hello! You aren't dating the guy you created in your head, you are dating a real man, a man with imperfections. At the end of the date you resolved that you are not going to see SexyT23 again. He simply was not the man you thought he was.
In your mind, you believed that he would be as smooth on the phone and as handsome in the pictures in real life. You paid no attention to the fact that he probably took 30 photos, only to be satisfied with the four he put on his profile. And paid no mind to the conversation he had based on the crib notes made from your profile. Within a month, you managed to make this guy out to be more than what even he painted himself to be. You created your ideal man, an illusion.
"I'm finally meeting SexyT23. (Small giggle) I mean Troy."
Tonight is the big night. She is finally meeting the guy she has been talking to online for over a month in person. This scenario is becoming common among adults. Sites like eHarmony.com, Match.com, and MySpace.com are just a few guilty of aiding and abetting the growing trend of online dating. While these sites encourage romance, courtship and even love, they produce an unhealthy by-product: an obsession with illusion.
It's simple: click on the traits you wish your potential mate to possess and within a matter of moments you have a number of candidates' profiles to choose from. You click on the first candidate and after studying his profile you feel that you have hit the jackpot! He seems perfect. After all, he has great pictures and you find that you share most things in common. After a couple of romantic, sweet, thoughtful messages later, you move into the phone call stage and he proves himself to be just as perfect on the phone as he is online. A month later you make plans to meet each other in person.
Wait! Stop! More than likely you have set yourself up for a less than pleasing experience. While it has been great talking to SexyT23 for some weeks, you fail to realize that both of you have advertised yourself as the other's ideal mate (the key word: ideal). After having several "you always manage to say the right thing" conversations, you have convinced yourself that this is the perfect mate.
You plan to meet at a local restaurant. You walk in and see him-or at least you think it might be because he does look a little like his picture-sitting in the booth closest to the door. He stands up and you see he exaggerated by three inches when he said he was 5'11." Oh, and his voice isn't as deep as it sounds on the phone. From there on, the conversation is mostly a reiteration of what you talked about via phone and internet, but this time every detail needs an explanation-both of you made yourselves seem more interesting online than you are in reality, and since you can't maintain your ideal self, it's best to ease each other into the true you as soon as possible.
Throughout the course of the date you find little imperfections in SexyT23. You're not looking for these imperfections; they just seem to pop out at you. What's that bump on his nose? Was that in the picture? Where are the stimulating conversations?
Hello! You aren't dating the guy you created in your head, you are dating a real man, a man with imperfections. At the end of the date you resolved that you are not going to see SexyT23 again. He simply was not the man you thought he was.
In your mind, you believed that he would be as smooth on the phone and as handsome in the pictures in real life. You paid no attention to the fact that he probably took 30 photos, only to be satisfied with the four he put on his profile. And paid no mind to the conversation he had based on the crib notes made from your profile. Within a month, you managed to make this guy out to be more than what even he painted himself to be. You created your ideal man, an illusion.
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