2008 Woodie Awards
Fifteen seconds of flogging
Feature Editorial
Amanda Krupman
Issue date: 12/4/06 Section: Opinions
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Page 1 of 1
The morality tale has a long history in popular media. Like a lot of American culture, these productions have been scaled back according to our decreased attention spans and increased cynicism. Sixty years back, high school kids were subjected to film shorts that depicted the catastrophes awaiting those who succumbed to heavy petting. Signature elements of these 'scare' films-stilted acting and a stock group of Aryans from middle America-were passed on into the beloved After School Special of the 1970s and '80s, where every young girl was certain to suffer a raging case of Chlamydia. These would also soon fall out of fashion, and public service announcements featuring TV personalities, aired during Saturday morning cartoons, became a more efficient way to reach kids. Literally no longer than 15 seconds in length, television celebrities like Alan Thicke and Alf would remind you that "The More You Know, the More You Grow."
We still have these morality tales. It's just that nobody bothers to spend money on them anymore. In our postmodern versions, celebrities are still used by moral crusaders for sending messages and teaching lessons, but their lives provide the scripts. When a coked-up Robert Downey, Jr. mistakenly climbed into a 14-year old girl's bedroom window, thinking it was his own, we all shook our heads in a distinctly parental sort of disappointment: "What a waste! Such talent!" We get a sick thrill out of watching celebrities stumble and fall in the face of fame and fortune, but are still sanctimonious in our approval or disapproval. This process seems to ignore issues of class and wealth: Winona Ryder's shoplifting trial served as a lesson to the Beverly Hills teen queen who might want to get her kicks by nabbing some Manolo Blahniks as well as the Iowan hoodrat pocketing Claire's Boutique earrings at the local mall.
Celebrities understand that they have, in effect, been given a second childhood, and act accordingly. Get in trouble because you drunkenly hurled anti-Semitic epithets at a cop? Beg the public's forgiveness and seek dialogue with a Rabbi. Then Jodie Foster will come out publicly to support you and get biblical by "hating the sin and not the sinner." You'll have to go to rehab, but you'll get rid of that pesky bigotry rap. Get heckled at a comedy club and find yourself spewing the n-word like a Tourettes sufferer? Bow your head and declare "I am sick, but I'm not a racist," and have your publicist call up Al Sharpton for a chat.
This example-making allows celebrities behaving badly to make a big show of hanging their heads and shuffling their feet, knowing that one little 'sorry' allows film studio execs and corporate sponsors to breathe a sigh of relief. "Paying for their sins" ensures that a couple months down the line the public will not care so much (or pretend to care) and will shell out $10 to see "Apocalypto."
Whatever happened to weirdo celebrities being quietly exiled, only to allow some artistic return after a considerable quarantine? Roman Polanski and Woody Allen come to mind. I'd like to see Mel Gibson, Michael Richards and maybe K-Fed (for the considerable crime of releasing his own rap album) sent away on a boat to Yemen to film Islamic Fundamentalist After School Specials. Now that would be a morality tale worth paying attention to.
- Page 1 of 1
We still have these morality tales. It's just that nobody bothers to spend money on them anymore. In our postmodern versions, celebrities are still used by moral crusaders for sending messages and teaching lessons, but their lives provide the scripts. When a coked-up Robert Downey, Jr. mistakenly climbed into a 14-year old girl's bedroom window, thinking it was his own, we all shook our heads in a distinctly parental sort of disappointment: "What a waste! Such talent!" We get a sick thrill out of watching celebrities stumble and fall in the face of fame and fortune, but are still sanctimonious in our approval or disapproval. This process seems to ignore issues of class and wealth: Winona Ryder's shoplifting trial served as a lesson to the Beverly Hills teen queen who might want to get her kicks by nabbing some Manolo Blahniks as well as the Iowan hoodrat pocketing Claire's Boutique earrings at the local mall.
Celebrities understand that they have, in effect, been given a second childhood, and act accordingly. Get in trouble because you drunkenly hurled anti-Semitic epithets at a cop? Beg the public's forgiveness and seek dialogue with a Rabbi. Then Jodie Foster will come out publicly to support you and get biblical by "hating the sin and not the sinner." You'll have to go to rehab, but you'll get rid of that pesky bigotry rap. Get heckled at a comedy club and find yourself spewing the n-word like a Tourettes sufferer? Bow your head and declare "I am sick, but I'm not a racist," and have your publicist call up Al Sharpton for a chat.
This example-making allows celebrities behaving badly to make a big show of hanging their heads and shuffling their feet, knowing that one little 'sorry' allows film studio execs and corporate sponsors to breathe a sigh of relief. "Paying for their sins" ensures that a couple months down the line the public will not care so much (or pretend to care) and will shell out $10 to see "Apocalypto."
Whatever happened to weirdo celebrities being quietly exiled, only to allow some artistic return after a considerable quarantine? Roman Polanski and Woody Allen come to mind. I'd like to see Mel Gibson, Michael Richards and maybe K-Fed (for the considerable crime of releasing his own rap album) sent away on a boat to Yemen to film Islamic Fundamentalist After School Specials. Now that would be a morality tale worth paying attention to.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 4
judy
posted 12/04/06 @ 8:33 AM CST
I could write an essay here about how meanspirited and ignorant this column is but I don't have the time. First get your facts right ok.. Robert Downey jr did not climb into the window of a 14 year old girl. (Continued…)
suzanne
posted 12/05/06 @ 9:58 PM CST
I would like to recommend 15 seconds of flogging for Amanda Krupman for subjecting her readers to this mean-spirited, vicious article.
Amanda, if you don't stop rehashing outdated news in your columns, your editor will send YOU - and your decreased attention span - "away on a boat to Yemen to film Islamic Fundamentalist After School Specials". (Continued…)
Amanda Krupman
posted 12/11/06 @ 4:37 PM CST
Dear Readers,
I have to admit that I'm a bit perplexed. After 15 weeks of editorials on everything from the Big Box Ordinance to Parent Notification Laws for minors seeking abortions, this is the first time I've received any considerable feedback ("Fifteen Seconds of Flogging," 12/4/06) It seems that, though you all find newpaper articles about celebrities to be "rehashed" and "lacking integrity," you were nevertheless moved to respond on this very topic. (Continued…)
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