2008 Woodie Awards
Now that's entertainment!
Joel Ebert
Issue date: 2/25/08 Section: Opinions
Celebrity award ceremonies are exciting, aren't they? They are full of glamorous outfits, shouts of excitement and joy, shortened speeches, heartfelt moments and elaborate musical performances. Whether you watch the Emmys, Grammys or the Academy Awards, these events are filled with celebrities getting up on stage, often unscripted and unrehearsed, where anything can happen.
There have been countless moments at award shows where unexpected situations turned out to be the most exciting part of the evening. In 1973, Marlon Brando protested his Oscar for Best Actor by having a woman dressed in traditional Native American attire, known as Sacheen Littlefeather, appear onstage and refuse the award. Bob Dylan's performance at the 1998 Grammys featured a man who flailed wildly onstage with Soy Bomb written on his chest, before being carted offstage by security. At the 2007 Emmys, Sally Field said, "if the mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamn wars in the first place" in an acceptance speech seen as an obvious reference to the Iraq war.
Award ceremonies need to expand beyond the entertainment and sporting world, though. I think there should be an award ceremony for government officials. We could create a ceremony loosely based off the Academy Awards.
The ceremony would be called the Functionary Awards (func·tion·ar·y: a person who functions in a specified capacity, esp. in government service; an official) and the awards would be called Polys. Categories would include the best and worst: Orator, Linguist, Bullshitter, Decision Maker, and Politician of the Year. The options are limitless. There would certainly be unpredictable moments, as politicians often yield memorable material.
To initiate the Polys, I hereby nominate George W. Bush for the Bullshitter of the Decade Poly. Heck, if the Polys get off their feet, he could be given a Lifetime Achievement Poly for Bullshit. Allow me to explain why I am nominating our dear President with this esteemed award.
There have been countless moments at award shows where unexpected situations turned out to be the most exciting part of the evening. In 1973, Marlon Brando protested his Oscar for Best Actor by having a woman dressed in traditional Native American attire, known as Sacheen Littlefeather, appear onstage and refuse the award. Bob Dylan's performance at the 1998 Grammys featured a man who flailed wildly onstage with Soy Bomb written on his chest, before being carted offstage by security. At the 2007 Emmys, Sally Field said, "if the mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamn wars in the first place" in an acceptance speech seen as an obvious reference to the Iraq war.
Award ceremonies need to expand beyond the entertainment and sporting world, though. I think there should be an award ceremony for government officials. We could create a ceremony loosely based off the Academy Awards.
The ceremony would be called the Functionary Awards (func·tion·ar·y: a person who functions in a specified capacity, esp. in government service; an official) and the awards would be called Polys. Categories would include the best and worst: Orator, Linguist, Bullshitter, Decision Maker, and Politician of the Year. The options are limitless. There would certainly be unpredictable moments, as politicians often yield memorable material.
To initiate the Polys, I hereby nominate George W. Bush for the Bullshitter of the Decade Poly. Heck, if the Polys get off their feet, he could be given a Lifetime Achievement Poly for Bullshit. Allow me to explain why I am nominating our dear President with this esteemed award.
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